April 30, 2016 by Rita Anya Nara

The World Traveler Getting Back into the Game

Kevin, a traveler I helped over the course of four months and twenty very long, rambling email sessions, was eager to remind me that he’s almost double my age. He also trumps my “country conquest numbers”; by July 2000, he’d been to 80 countries around the world. He took a break for a year to have surgery on his knee. By September 2011, he was ready to travel again. On September 15, 2001, he canceled his his scheduled trip to Cape Town, South Africa. Then over 14 years passed.

Kevin’s granddaughter grew up and majored in international relations. Kevin’s passport expired. He stopped making weekend trips from his native Edinburgh to London. “I used to be able to make that trip on a bike,” he said. Sure, it would take him a couple days. Now it would take him a couple days to dig out his bucket list, read it, realize he was “better off” at home, and go back to watching National Geographic lion cub videos.

I wasn’t sure how to help him at first because I didn’t know what the problem was. Fear of terrorism? Fears of violence or illness in South Africa? I told him I happened to be going to South Africa on May 24, 2016. I could work through his fears as I confronted my own, and we did a lot of that through our emails. It eventually became clear what he was most afraid of: not living up to the “standard” he’d once set as a younger traveler. He would be ashamed and embarrassed to tell anyone he knew that he did what he secretly wanted on a trip– sit around and enjoy his hotel room all morning, eat a deli-mart breakfast on the beach instead of eating shark meat or something else to tell his friends about back home, and then go on a day safari instead of renting a jeep and plunging into the backroads to see the lions in what he said would just be a “stressful” experience. He said he wanted to take it easy and see the animals, not have to constantly monitor them. But…

“Travel is like a sport to me,” he wrote. “I have this feeling that if I’m not going to make a great accomplishment, and get every minute out of every hour, then I shouldn’t even bother playing, Rita.” How do I get an ambitious perfectionist to relax and do what he truly wants with his hard-earned vacation money?

“What if you didn’t tell anyone where you were going?” I asked him.

“What?”

“Don’t tell anyone,” I said. “Then there’s no updating your Facebook page with travel “accomplishments.” There’s no racing around town to find people the “best” souvenirs. There’s no exhausting yourself just so you look like a hero with a passport.”

I lost contact with him for a week. Then, all of a sudden, an update on his Facebook page: he was taking a three-week bike trip from Edinburgh to London. He wasn’t taking his iPhone, much to the chagrin of a lot of his 733 FB friends. He was going off the grid. Don’t even bother looking for him in the hills outside London, he announced on his wall. Then he wrote to me: “Need you to help me buy a three-week trip to Africa. Never bought airline tickets online before!”

Conveniently enough, British Airways flies nonstop from London to Cape Town and back. I didn’t dare mention the escapade last year to Kevin about two South African refugees who hitchhiked in the plane engine all the way back from Cape Town to England. He wrote to me a few hours after he checked into his hotel overlooking the Table Mountains.

“This doesn’t feel like Country #83,” he said. “It feels like Country #1.”

We agreed he should avoid all subliminal reference to anything being “#1.” But, dang, Kevin, you beat me to it. My flight for Cape Town doesn’t leave for three more weeks.

Alpha male with a plane ticket

April 23, 2016 by Rita Anya Nara

The Cruise Ship that’s Still Waiting for You

Rotterdam in The Netherlands is often overlooked as a tourist city. It’s big, it’s cosmopolitan, it’s flashy, it’s gritty, and it looks and feels nothing like Amsterdam. Perhaps it’s “the other Holland ” — a maritime wonder, a reflection of multicultural Europe, a port that is just secluded enough from the Atlantic to make you feel like you’re in the heart of the mainland. I found myself there this February as a matter of curiosity, and a desire to explore more of The Netherlands than just its canal-laden tourist treasure. The SS Rotterdam hotel was my stop for just one night. Yes, a hotel entirely consisting of a massive docked cruise ship. The receptionists are dressed like sailors, and the guests are among the more unique and colorful you’ll find on the travel trail.

Henry and Laetitia, I think, were the only other people on my floor (level? cargo hold?), and they were both wearing enough navy blue and white to embarrass a J Crew himself. They were both about 70, and they saw me doing my aerobics out in the nice flower gardens in front of the ship at 3 am to burn off my jetlag. Now, I’m not normally that talkative at 2 am, especially with French people who are ballroom dancing on a balcony in the middle of the night, but it didn’t take me long to engage with this couple from Toulouse, France about just why they were enjoying their stay so much. They had never been on a cruise before, although they dearly wanted to.

“This is as close as we’re going to get,” Laetitia told me.

“We’re afraid,” Henry confessed to me. “We’re older, we get on a cruise, there’s an epidemic on board and we both get sick, the winds or the water kick up and one of us slips on the deck and breaks our leg, or who knows, the thing sinks. We don’t trust cruise ships.”

They had their laundry list of places they wanted to sail, but “couldn’t” sail: St. Vincent and the Grenadines, the Canary Islands, Alaska, the Shetland Islands. Laetitia had survived a near-drowning incident when she was 20, and it soon became clear to me that this couple was held back as much by that as by fears of shipwide contagion or starring in a reality remake of Poseidon. How do I tell a woman who’s 70 that she could be enjoying herself so much on a Princess that she won’t even realize she’s hovering above millions of gallons of what nearly killed her?

I offered my various visualization strategies, and by the time 4 am rolled around, the “sailor” tour guide in the “control room” was starting to wonder about us. “Is everything in your rooms to your satisfaction?” he asked

“Can you do one of your ship tours right now?” I blurted out.

“Right now?” he said.

“Yes.” Well, we got our $100 worth in the form of a walkthrough of the engine room, the chart room, the control room, and everything else with an electrical panel on it that we could keep straight in our heads. Why did I go? Because I’ve coached anxious flyers to overcome their fears via cockpit tours, and this seemed like basically the same thing except for a ship. I see that point where people are too relieved and happy to remember exactly what was holding them back. Can two retirees still have that feeling of restless desire to make up for lost time?

“I don’t feel like I’m on water,” Laetitia said, “I feel like I’m on an island.”

Yes, I persuaded an elderly couple to go on a cruise ship tour in the middle of the night, and then to book a riverboat cruise down the Danube a week later. I’ve been helping Laetitia work through her unresolved fears about cruises via email ever since. Henry won’t talk to me; he says I remind him of Kate Winslet for some reason, and then he just thinks about Titanic. Fair enough, Henry. But send me a postcard from the world’s largest floating post office.

The SS Rotterdam in The Netherlands

July 3, 2015 by Rita Anya Nara

How to Find a Quiet Place to Relax in a Crowded Foreign City

Do you often come back from a trip and feel like you need a “vacation to recover from your vacation?” You’re not alone.

Many people feel this way because they didn’t let themselves decompress at any time while they were away. Given the greater emotional and physical energy exerted during a trip, it’s easy to feel drained or overstimulated during and after travel. Finding a tranquil place to relax and regroup during your trip is one of the most obvious ways to prevent mental or emotional burnout — and keep every day of your vacation feeling (almost) like the first day you arrived.

Unfortunately, traditional “quiet” places may turn into anything but if everyone else decides to go there for their own relaxation. Think of oceanside cafés that get so loud you can’t hear the waves washing up; well-known churches that sound like malls inside; and parks that put you in the path of an impromptu tag game – hardly anyone’s idea of peace. Don’t think you have to return to your hotel room mid-day, or wander into an isolated (and potentially dangerous) area in order to “get away from it all.” Here are a few universal, but often overlooked, places to unwind.

Botanical gardens. These can sound like a bore to those not interested in plants, but botanical gardens have all of the relaxing characteristics of parks, but because of the (usually) small entrance fee, attract a different crowd; your chances of encountering skateboarding teenagers, drunks, or soccer practice are slim to none. There is usually no shortage of places to sit down, and you can generally stay as long as you want after paying the day’s admission.

Universities. Many universities have the look and feel of self-sustaining villages, and you’d have a hard time finding one without some green areas and benches (and often a pond and some wildlife). Frat and sorority houses are less common outside North America, and while there’s obviously going to be plenty of activity on the main thoroughfares on weekdays, the overall atmosphere – especially on weekends – is subdued. Another plus is that many universities are easily accessed within metropolitan areas, and even the grounds of most private universities are open to anyone.

Zoos. You’d be hard pressed to find a zoo without an attractive, natural setting – and interacting with (or just watching) animals can quickly pull you out of your head and back into the moment. About half of all major world cities have a zoo within three miles of tourist areas. Try visiting on a weekday evening, or mid-afternoon after school groups have cleared out.

Embassy areas. These neighborhoods are particularly prominent in capital cities, and are often in easily accessible areas. Although there aren’t many places to sit down, they are certainly a great place for a quiet stroll. Embassy neighborhoods are rarely crowded, aesthetically pleasing, and you can let your guard down because security is second to none.

Stationed trains. Particularly in European cities, long-distance trains pull into a station well before departure – by an hour, and sometimes more (especially if your city is the route terminus). A parked train can be a very peaceful alternative to trying to rest your mind and feet in the chaotic main station hallway. I’ve done it many times and not been bothered by attendants or conductors (unlike airplanes, which are usually swept and cleaned after every flight, the usual train is only serviced at the end of the day).

Obviously, you need to make sure the train doesn’t roll away taking you someplace you don’t want to go, but the chances of this happening are minimal as you’ll notice people start trickling in about ten minutes before departure.

Off-hours and hideaways in hotels. After the maids have come through, and before the next round of guests check in, is an ideal time to get some peace in your hotel room, especially if it’s anything but tranquil in the evening and early morning. The ideal time window is usually between noon and three p.m.

If you’ve already checked out of a hotel, don’t feel bad about relaxing in the lobby a few hours after giving up your key. It’s unlikely that any hotel employee will ask you to leave just because you’re done and paid for; after all, they want you to come back on your next trip, and write a nice online review about your stay.

Finally, a surprising number of hotels – particularly in Europe – have rooftop terraces. These are often underutilized, because 1) guests aren’t aware of them, or 2) they simply forget to head up there. The terrace can be a great escape when everyone else on your floor seems to be checking in, or coming in and out of their rooms, at the same time. An added benefit is that you get to see the city from a bird’s-eye view, which can make it look less intimidating and give you a better perspective of where you are.

Airport quiet spots. For some peace and space, many people know to head to the waiting area of a deserted gate. Less commonly sought, but equally quiet places include interdenominational chapels (many international airports have one, and you don’t have to pray in order to use the room), and the lobbies of pre-check-in areas. Most people automatically rush to the check-in counter and through security when they arrive at the airport, passing by many empty waiting areas adjacent to the airline ticket counters.

It's not always practical to find a place like this to unwind, but there are still plenty of places to relax if you know where to look. ( Pictured: Suomenlinna, Helsinki, Finland.)

It’s not always realistic to find a place like this to unwind, but there are still plenty of places to relax out there — if you know where to look. (Pictured: Suomenlinna, Helsinki, Finland.)

June 13, 2015 by Rita Anya Nara

Relaxation Opportunities in the World’s Airports

As many of us can attest to, dozens of modern international airports are like mini-cities, complete with malls, chapels, huge kid’s play areas, two-story food plazas, and sometimes even golf courses and movie theaters. As travel services have evolved into an art, more and more airports have focused on offering the weary, anxious, or downright cranky traveler the chance to de-stress — to the point that some of us might even forget we’re in an airport. Spas? Art galleries? Gardens? They’re in many of the world’s largest and most popular hubs — maybe even in the one you call your own.

You don’t have to belong to an airline’s VIP club to access most of these relaxing amenities; you just have to find the right terminal. So, if you have a choice of where to spend a long layover on your next trip, I offer these observations about some of the best airports out there where you can settle your frazzled nerves instead of dreading the next bout of altitude. I’m sure you can think of a few other airports where you wouldn’t mind killing some time at all.

Kuala Lumpur International Airport, Malaysia

Rainforest
Reflexology and massage center

Narita International Airport, Tokyo

Silence room
Reflexology center
Oxygen bar

Dubai International Airport, United Arab Emirates

Two indoor Zen gardens, located on either end of the concourse

San Francisco International Airport

Yoga room
Library
Aquarium
Art galleries

Schiphol International, Amsterdam

Library
Museum

(No offense to Schiphol, but besides the library and museum, this has to be one of the noisiest, most hectic airports on earth… and this is after they ditched the one-terminal concept!)

Beijing International Airport

Temples and pond

Chicago O’Hare International Airport

The “Backrub Hub,” offering neck and back massages

Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport

Self-service yoga studio

Incheon International Airport, South Korea

Spa
Indoor gardens
Museum
Private sleeping rooms

Heathrow, London

Art Gallery
Be Relax Spa

Taiwan International Airport

Library featuring e-books, regular books, and magazines and newspapers

Charles de Gaulle, Paris

Be Relax Spa
Movie theater

Changi Airport, Singapore

Five themed gardens, one of them home to more than a thousand butterflies
Free calf-massage stations
Designated napping facilities

Vancouver International Airport

Sleep pods, complete with noise-canceling earphones

I can think of some airports I’d put on a different list for being the loudest, most irritating, panic attack-inducing places on earth, but alas, one of the best ways to manage stress is to keep things positive. So, I’ll leave you with this image — wherever you may be right now.

Too bad more of us don’t find laying over in Tallinn, Estonia convenient. The international airport, Lennart Meri Tallinn, has passenger relaxation at every gate down to an art.

May 23, 2015 by Rita Anya Nara

Does Jet Lag Impact Your Stress Level?

I’ve asked a lot of travelers this question, and consistently noted that about half of people say yes, and about half say no. Jet lag is one of those things international travelers inevitably have to manage, and something that we either learn to put up with, ignore, or (at the very least) use as a good explanation for our coworkers, family, and friends after we get back from a trip and feel like we’re stumbling through a fourth dimension for a week.

Interestingly, those who admit that jet lag causes them quite a bit of anxiety discover that it’s actually worrying about jet lag that causes them the most stress (how will it affect them physically? Mentally? Emotionally?) while those that say jet lag doesn’t bother them often say that while jet lag is irritating, it relaxes them in a certain way — unlike any other physiological phenomenon. These are people who actually don’t mind having their natural body rhythms thrown off because it is a break from their daily rut of work-eat-sleep-worry-work-eat-sleep-rinse-and-repeat. In other words, jet lag is just a feature of being on vacation, of doing something different.

Given the varying reactions and all the anecdotes and quick-fix recommendations that abound out there on how to deal with jet lag, it’s worth taking a closer look.

Jet lag results from alterations to the body’s circadian rhythms caused by trans-meridian (west–east, or east-west) air travel. When traveling across a number of time zones, your body’s natural pattern is upset as the cycles that govern times for sleeping, eating, and body temperature regulation no longer correspond to your environment. To the extent that your body cannot immediately realign these rhythms, you are “jet lagged.” Symptoms can either aggravate anxiety, or be mistaken for intensified side effects of medications. Some of the most common jet lag symptoms include:

Headache and irritability;
Balance and coordination problems;
Difficulty concentrating;
Early awakening (if flying west) or trouble falling asleep (if flying east); and
Interrupted sleep (to say the least).

Jet lag usually occurs with a change of three time zones or more, and the extent to which you’re affected depends on the number of time zones crossed. If you’re unfamiliar with jet lag (or just want to explain it as painlessly as possible to your great-aunt), it’s worth noting that the maximum possible disruption is plus or minus twelve hours. If the time difference between two locations is greater than twelve hours, subtract that number from 24 to understand the “adjusted” time zone difference. New Zealand, for example, being nineteen hours ahead of Pacific Standard Time, would pose only a five-hour jet lag challenge to a traveler from California.

The recovery time for jet leg is generally one day per time zone crossed, although many people (particularly those who travel more) are able to recover faster. Women are affected by jet lag more than men, since normal nighttime and daytime body rhythms are connected to estrogen levels. Recovery will also depend on whether your flight(s) are overnight or scheduled during the day. You’ll typically experience more jet lag if you begin a long flight mid-morning or early afternoon than if you take a “red eye” flight departing at eight p.m. or later (it helps, of course, if you can actually fall asleep on an airplane).

Unfortunately, there are no proven ways to avoid jet lag altogether. You can talk to your general care practitioner about where specifically you’re going, and how to strategize flight times and sleep hours, to try to minimize the impacts. Your doctor may suggest getting only a minimal amount of sleep the night before your flight (so that you’re naturally sleepy when you arrive at your destination) or taking a prescription-strength sleep medication for the first several nights of your trip.

How will you feel after making this trip?!

May 12, 2015 by Rita Anya Nara

Addressing Common Stress Triggers while Touring a City: Part 2

We’ve covered how to manage detours, crowds, and making eye contact with so many strangers. What else can make you wig out on a vacation, and what can you do about it?

Accidents. Seeing an accident while touring – whether it involves a slip, trip, fall, or a vehicle – can jar your confidence and make you feel like you’re next to have disaster descend upon you. Depending on how much you can relate to the person who suffered the accident, and just how bad it was, you may put sudden limits on your physical activities or transportation that can rapidly develop into a phobia. There are some things to understand about accidents before your healthy precautions build into a cage of fear.

I once saw a middle-aged tourist do a full somersault down the departures escalator at London’s Heathrow Airport. He was distracted by writing on the luggage tag of his carry-on bag, and lost his balance as the escalator belt hit a bump followed by a small jerk. The next thing the man knew he’d flipped upside down, and then lay dazed on his tailbone on the bottom step.

Interestingly, about half the people at the scene (the ones who hadn’t seen him writing up his luggage tag, completely oblivious to his surroundings) were shocked and horrified; the others (who’d seen what the man had been doing) had a look on their faces like, “Well, what did he expect?”

The point is that most of the accidents you see or hear about – perhaps of a taxi driver backing into a tourist, or of someone twisting their ankle between cobblestones – are not true “accidents,” but mistakes. An accident implies that nothing could be done to prevent the incident from happening, when really a lot could be done in most cases – if people were paying attention and taking the proper precautions. Once you realize this, and understand that it takes two people, places, or things to have an “accident,” the less anxiety you will suffer. Instead of blaming an elevator or a door or a moving vehicle, you recognize that by being vigilant you not only make up for hazards and for other people’s carelessness, but you give yourself a lot more control over your surroundings.

Perceived sounds of distress. Anxious people have often experienced a significant trauma in their past. Certain noises, particularly screaming and shrieking, can cause you great alarm and induce sweating, heart palpitations, and other physiological manifestations. If you suffer from this phobia, screaming is not an expression of a good time, but a sign of an emergency. Screaming children at play can make you think someone is hurt, and I know several women who are haunted by images of sexual assault when they hear teenage girls screaming.

To keep your reaction from escalating, take a quick look at what screaming children or teenagers are doing, and observe other people’s reactions to them. If there was really something wrong, wouldn’t others notice and step in to help?

In general, someone else’s noise rarely has anything to do with you. If it’s still a significant anxiety trigger, try to stay away from amusement parks, carnivals, and other places where you’re most likely to hear excitement bordering on terror.

Avoiding confrontation when taking photographs. If you’re a visual person and want to relive many moments of your trip, then taking pictures will be one of the most rewarding and essential parts of your journey. Unfortunately, it’s the one thing you do in the normal course of touring that can cause some provocation – usually because people are concerned that they’ve appeared in your photo (or video footage). In general, the more elaborate your camera is, the more attention you’re going to attract using it. Snapping shots with your cell phone is going to draw the least attention; setting up a tripod with a camera the size of your head will attract a lot more; and walking around with a videocamera constantly raised and pointing will attract the most.

You may be aware of all of this, and have reluctantly resolved to hold back your shutterbug impulses. However, there’s no need to restrict yourself like this, and later regret what you didn’t get on film. Here are some tips to avoid confrontation and ease anxiety when out and about with a camera.

Portray clear intentions. If you want to photograph a famous landmark and there are people constantly milling around, look directly at what you’re shooting and don’t make eye contact with the people around it. This will reassure others that you’re not interested in them or in invading their privacy.

If someone confronts you about whether you’ve taken a picture of them, or included them in your shot or video footage, offer to erase the photo. In almost every case they won’t actually take you up on this; they just want some reassurance that you’re a tourist and not a voyeur. If they do take you up on it, then wait until they’re out of the picture, so to speak, and re-shoot. It’s a lot faster than arguing with someone and getting yourself significantly distressed.

Watch what others are doing. If there are signs or graphics around a place indicating that photography isn’t allowed, take a look at whether others are shooting photos anyway. I have been in museums or churches that officially ban photography (and state so right on the front door), yet people were taking pictures left and right and no one stopped them. If you want the same picture everyone else is taking, then take it. The worst that can happen is that a grounds person comes by and chastises the whole lot of you.

The opposite can hold true for military buildings and embassies. Military buildings can be surprisingly difficult to recognize, and it’s usually understood that absolutely no pictures can be taken even if there are no signs indicating such. Embassy districts are usually filled with attractive buildings and landscapes that make for great picture opportunities, but keep in mind that they often prohibit photography as well.

In poor areas where local or indigenous people depend heavily on tourists for economic survival, check to see if you’re expected to pay to take a photograph (of a person, place, or item). Save yourself embarrassment and stress by abiding by the rules.

Don't get stressed out: these Moscow port-o-potties smell as nice as freshly carved matryoshka dolls

Imagine my embarrassment when I stopped to take a quick picture of these cool port-o-potties in Moscow, then thought in horror that the woman to the left forgot to close the door for herself (she was just the babuskha collecting the rubles)

May 3, 2015 by Rita Anya Nara

Addressing Common Stress Triggers While Touring a City: Part 1

Part of the fun of traveling is getting to explore the unknown. Unfortunately, the delight of discovering something new and different can sometimes come with significant distractions and aggravations. Addressing and managing several of the most pervasive “travel anxiety triggers” is easily possible, and will help you get back to enjoying your trip.

Detours. The more you travel, the more you’ll realize that the world is an unfinished work of art. The average metropolis can have at least half a dozen construction projects shaking the ground at once, while a mega-city can have a dozen or more. Popular tourist destinations become even more popular and congested when they win a bid to host a major sporting event, or cultural or political summit; new coliseums, arenas, hotels, and rail tracks suddenly spring from the dirt, outdating your map and giving you a new challenge in the form of blocks-long rows of pylons and yellow tape. Although construction detours are the most common you will find, you might also encounter detours to accommodate marches, protests, security lockdowns for government officials, biking and marathon events, and others.

Unfortunately, pedestrian detours can lead to confusion, disorientation, and getting very, very lost if you don’t know how to handle them. Your stress level is going to shoot sky-high if you “follow the orange signs” only to find yourself in an alley at dusk with no idea which direction to turn. Here are some useful guidelines for managing detours.

Trust the logic of the detour. City planners and engineers have to get a number of high-level approvals to implement one, and while not all detours are intuitive, the basic goal is to get you as close as possible back to where you need to be, in the shortest amount of time. You may have to let go of your initial assessment of where you should be, and go with the flow of a detour even if it feels like you’re going the wrong way. As any construction worker would tell you, there’s a reason why two U-turns gets you headed in the right direction again.
Before you go through the detour, clearly understand where you are by picking a landmark that you can identify from blocks away (i.e., at the end of the detour). This is essential if you need to retrace your steps, but the detour only allows foot traffic one way (this usually occurs with detours from a train or metro station).
If you have no idea where you’ve ended up at the end of the detour, see where the majority of other people (especially commuters) are going, and follow them. Tourist areas in most cities back right up to central business districts. If you still can’t find the tourist area or where you want to go, and it’s too stressful to ask a stranger, then head back to the detour exit and try another direction. Improvising after you’ve followed a bunch of people two blocks down the road is not a good idea.
Recognize that detours can take you up or down as well as north, west, east, or south. You may have to take stairs, tunnels, or escalators to avoid a construction zone. If you think only in terms of traveling across, you could find yourself staring at a dirty wall.

Crowds. There’s nothing like a throng of humanity crammed into a small plaza or a narrow street to aggravate even the most extroverted people. Anxiety triggers include noise, getting jostled around, fear of pickpockets and other thieves, and feelings of constant self-consciousness.

The key to dispelling anxiety about crowds is to understand that they’re made up of smaller units of people. In social settings, people rarely interact in groups larger than six or seven, and are so tuned in to each other that they won’t even notice you. Except at private functions, each group knows very little about anyone outside their group. And each group can look cliquish simply because they’re a little uncomfortable about all the strangers around them.

As a tourist, managing a crowd (i.e., bunches of groups) is usually a matter of either getting around it, or through it. Groups in dining halls, plazas, or other confined settings can be the most challenging given the potential to get “stuck” for space between one group and another. You’ll find that walking the perimeter of a gathering area can be less stressful as you reduce the number of times you have to break “through” people, and are simply going around them.

Crowds in line are often less intimidating. People will pay attention to you at the beginning, for long enough to see if you’re going to cut in front of them; otherwise, their attention will be diverted to how fast they’re moving forward.

A third type of crowd gathers to fill a theater, stadium, or other event venue; their focus is on what’s happening in front of them, not on you. Take a look around the rows and you’ll see that people are too absorbed to watch you. If you still feel considerable anxiety being part of an audience, then sit in the back (or towards the top) where you won’t feel so many pairs of eyes staring at the back of your head.

Eye contact. One of the most unnerving things for those of us who are shy, sensitive, and/or anxious is to pass, see, or be passed by hundreds or even thousands of strangers every day – many of whom, for whatever reason, want you to look back at them. Stressful emotions that arise from unwanted eye contact include feelings of intimidation from being stared down; intense self-consciousness from people who sneer for no good reason; uneasiness from sexually suggestive ogling or once-overs; and the glares or grimaces of angry or sad people. People carry a tremendous amount of emotional energy in their gaze, and making eye contact with every single person you come near could be so draining that you’re distracted from sightseeing.

One of the reasons people think they need to make eye contact is to avoid bumping into others. The truth is, you don’t have to make eye contact in order to navigate sidewalks, shops, squares, and tourist attractions; if you look in the direction you want to go, then people will not bump into you. Even if you have sunglasses on people will generally be able to tell by your body language what direction you plan to steer, since both your body and attention tilt slightly (but perceptibly) depending on what you’re focusing on. You can make a similar evaluation of others by doing a split-second assessment of their focus and movements.

Is avoiding eye contact a way of giving into (or developing) a phobia? Given the number of cultures that discourage direct eye contact between people on the street – and particularly between the opposite sex – it would be difficult to say yes. Save the emotional energy it takes to make eye contact for the people who matter more – hotel staff, store clerks, and others who are helping you have a pleasant journey.

Just the idea of bumping right into strangers in crowded areas can stress people out. In Japan, the authorities don’t want to see you embarrassed (or bruised), and post “warning” signs that you might not see elsewhere.

April 8, 2015 by Rita Anya Nara

Travel Talk: Taking the Stress Out of Language Barriers

One of the first things someone might ask when you announce your trip to another country is, “Do you know the language?” Unless you’re visiting an ancestral homeland, are a language buff, or have learned foreign language(s) for your job or personal reasons, the answer will likely be no. You may stress out over the thought of being unable to make your way around or communicate your needs during your trip. The more this anxiety builds, the more pressure you could put on yourself to spend many hours learning a language – including nuances that you’re unlikely to need.
Unless you’re planning to spend an extended amount of time in a country, knowing the hundred or so “quick reference” words and phrases in a standard travel language book will usually be sufficient to get you around. Focus on language concerning transportation, directions, obtaining assistance, and health and safety issues (such as the words for danger, caution, and hospital, as well as how to ask for an embassy or the police). If this still doesn’t sound like enough, remember that there’s a reason that so many travel language books are sized to fit in your pocket. You can look up phrases and words as you need them, without putting yourself through painful memorization exercises weeks before your trip.
Do You Speak English?
This is an essential phrase to know in every language spoken in the places you’re visiting. It manages your limited language skills while showing that you’re culturally sensitive enough to not just assume that someone speaks your language; it also helps break the ice. If the person confirms that they speak English, then you’ve started off on the right foot; if they say no, then nod or apologize (think of how you feel when you dial the wrong phone number) and move on to someone else. If you can’t move on to someone else, see how far you can get with numbers and gestures. If you’re still struggling, then other employees or passersby are likely to notice, and chances are one of them will step in to help – if for no other reason than to show off their command of English.

A word of caution: if you have a rudimentary grasp of a foreign language and ask for directions or check into a hotel in that language, you need to be able to understand the person’s response. The person might answer at a mile a minute, and you’ll either pretend to understand and move on, or ask for clarification in English – at which time the person will wonder (with some frustration) why you didn’t ask in English in the first place. If you’re not proficient enough to go back and forth in conversation on a particular topic, then it’s usually best to ask Do you speak English? and go from there.

Should I cross the street, or stay put and look out for the cute marshmallow doughboy?

Most of us don’t get beyond learning a few written characters when touring places like Japan or China

March 28, 2015 by Rita Anya Nara

Driving in a Foreign Country: What You Need to Know (Part 3 of 3)

Still hungry to take a road trip abroad this spring or summer? If you’ve been following this series, you know there are a lot of things you need to understand before you jump into a vehicle with keys in one hand and your passport in the other. Don’t get discouraged — you won’t encounter all of these “issues” on every drive. But, since life on the road can be unpredictable to say the least, being aware of these pitfalls and potholes can keep you out of trouble almost as much as, well, wearing your seatbelt. So buckle up and take one last ride down the path of precautions — and remember, there’s no yield sign for common sense.

14. Suicidal pedestrians who have the right of way

In many popular urban areas, there are (of course) a lot of pedestrians – and not a whole lot of stoplights. And where there are stoplights, pedestrian crossings and/or lights may be nonexistent. Many people on foot can be downright reckless once they’ve gotten used to this situation, and they decide to “take the power back into their hands.” You will see people wading into six-lane traffic a few feet at a time, with all the care and worry as if they’re playing a live-action video game.

It’s their fault if they get hit, right? Um, usually not. In many countries, if you hit a pedestrian, you’re deemed automatically guilty even if some guy leaped right out in the street in front of you (and you were driving like a saint to boot). You may face serious criminal charges or other legal liability. Understand the laws, avoid driving near malls, parades, markets, etc., and keep one foot perpetually ready to slam on the brake when venturing into pedestrianized areas.

15. Speed Traps

Even where people drive like maniacs (no, no, I’m not thinking of Germany, or Saudi Arabia), speed limits exist not only in an attempt to control the chaos, but to, well, extort money out of distracted drivers. Speed traps are as ubiquitous as speed limits; many times they are synonymous. Speeding is one of the most enforced traffic laws of all, with both police units and cameras. Crooked and/or lazy cops love to set speed traps in scenic areas because they know guest drivers are looking around, and are distracted from the speedometer.

One thing that varies by country is how much grace you are given above the speed limit before actual consequences kick in. In some countries or regions you can go 10 miles or kilometers over the speed limit and not raise a cop’s eyebrow; in others, one notch above the listed limit and a self-righteous policeman is ready to jump on his motorbike. Your most reliable source of info regarding local speed traps is probably your hotel receptionist; tour books are probably not going to be that specific.

16. Fueling up

Unfortunately, some of the places in the world with the cheapest fuel also have the most frustrations when it comes to actually filling up your tank. First off, the consistent availability of gas stations isn’t a given; you may encounter five gas stations in the same two miles, and then none for a very long suburban stretch. It’s therefore recommended to fill your tank often, even if it means breaking your momentum when you’ve finally gotten out on the open road.

When you do get to a station, lines can leave you hanging precariously out into the street, and you may have to be aggressive to nab a spot next to the pump. It usually doesn’t take long to notice if a gas station is full- or self-service. If the latter, beware when actually handling the pump and hose, as many may be in poor shape and send a stream of gas across your feet.

Increasingly common – much to the chagrin of visiting tourists – are stations that only accept credit or debit cards issued by banks in that country. These are usually unmanned, so try to pick a gas station that at least has an attendant milling around to minimize getting stuck with your wad of cash and empty tank.

17. Getting stopped

In many countries, an officer may only stop a motorist for an actual violation. In others, they may stop you for no reason at all except to check your documents. Keep your cool if you’re pulled over and remember to keep your passport, the rental car registration, and your driver’s license ready to show. Finally, avoid getting out of the car unless the officer makes it clear that you’re expected to do so.

18. Driving across an international border

Most countries share land borders with at least a couple other countries, and in most cases, there are roads running from one country to the other. Generally, these borders can be crossed by anyone in a motor vehicle, and thankfully in many cases, you’re allowed to drive a rental car across an international border. This is the case for the United States and Canada, and in most of Europe.

In some countries, however, it’s difficult or impossible to drive across the border. In Israel, for example, you’re generally not allowed to drive into neighboring countries. To know if you’re allowed to make an international border crossing, examine your vehicle’s rental contract. If you’re planning a trip across multiple countries, you may have to go with one of the big-name companies (Budget, Avis, etc.) with the more flexible policies.

Be aware that there are some bordering countries that don’t have any roads connecting them, even though they share a land border. There’s usually a good reason for this: natural terrain (such as a rough mountain pass); a rich country-poor country scenario in which the latter country can’t afford to lay road base; security reasons; or neighboring countries that just plain hate each other, or simply the lack of desire among one or both governments to build such a road. Examples of regions with a lack of road connectivity are South America, many parts of Africa, and Central Asia.

Where you can cross the border, be aware that it’s not uncommon for there to be a very long line at the crossing. Try to get information from your hotel or travel agent on how long you might spend at the border crossing and factor that into your travel time. While the distance itself may seem short, you may need to add several more hours to your travel time to factor in time spent at the border. In many places, it could be several hours, and this can make a day trip to the other country rather impractical.

Finally, keep in mind that some border crossings have limited hours of operation, such as during daylight hours only. Plan ahead, or the hotel you booked on “just the other side” might be counting you for a no-show.

19. GPS

Many of us have grown addicted to GPS systems to help us navigate, and while it’s readily available in North America, Europe and East Asia, it may be altogether absent in the countries where you could use it the most. If you don’t want to throw back to the Stone Age and use a paper map, try using Mapquest or Google Maps on the road or shortly before your trip – but be aware that many mobile phone providers make it difficult to use your smartphone in a foreign country.

Finally, be aware that GPS units make very hot theft items in many foreign countries. Don’t under any circumstances leave one in your rental vehicle overnight, even if you’re parked at an upscale hotel.

20. Missing features on your rental car

We take for granted that cars come with the things that they should. I’m not talking about iPod docks, Bluetooth, or even automatic windows and air bags, but true necessities like hazard lights and head rests to save your neck in case you are in an accident. If you plan to drive in a developing country, you should check a rental car for the following before signing on the dotted line.

Turn signals
The parking/emergency brake
Windshield wipers
Lights and brights
Spare tire
Seat belts

Don’t count on your rental car having cruise control, but if it does, make sure you know how it turns on — and how to disengage it. Also, be sure you understand how to open the hood and the gas tank before you drive off. Remember, given the number and variety of auto manufacturers around the world, you may be renting a car that you have never seen or heard of – look closely to make sure it has what you expect to come on a “car”!

Keep your patience on those long roads, and you will eventually be rewarded with the stunning scenery you came for!

Keep your patience on those long, frustrating roads, and you will eventually be rewarded with the stunning scenery you came for!

March 17, 2015 by Rita Anya Nara

Driving in a Foreign Country: What You Need to Know (Part 2 of 3)

Hungry to take a spring road trip someplace exotic? Read up before you give Hertz or Avis a call, and remember, a drive around another continent can be a wonderful adventure as long as you’re prepared. So, here’s this week’s run-down of things you need to understand before deciding to drive abroad.

7. Parking and driving in restricted areas (and beyond)

Having to actually park your rental car can take a lot of the joy and convenience out of having a car in the first place. This is particularly the case in Europe, where you can finish your nice leisurely drive through Tuscany or the Alps with a two-hour search for a spot within a mile of the restaurant you’ve RSVPd for dinner.

Many cities around Europe have restricted areas, or “forbidden zones,” where driving AND parking is restricted in a particular area – oftentimes, a good chunk of the city. Depending on the city, driving and parking may be open only to those who purchase a permit – a bureaucratic exercise that you probably didn’t have time for before you left home. Restricted areas are generally indicated by a sign of some sort, but this sign may be hard to spot and may not be in English.

Try asking your hotel about any restricted areas in the city you plan to visit, and make arrangements ahead of time or risk getting ticketed or towed. And if you are lucky enough to get a spot right in front of your restaurant, remember that irritated locals in some cities like to key cars that hamper their space on the sidewalk, so beware.

8. Tolls

In most countries, tolls are collected for the privilege of driving on certain freeways, or across expensive bridges or tunnels. There are various ways in which this toll is collected. The traditional toll booth is of course most recognizable, and the most straightforward if you can pay cash. In some cases, most local drivers “pay” using a device that is placed on the windshield of their vehicle, leaving you to sit in the one manned lane where a booth operator is taking forever to collect the toll.

In some places, there are no booths. Tolls are collected by filming the number plate of the vehicle, and the bill is sent to the owner (this is always my favorite part of crossing the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco). In this type of setup, the car rental agency will pass this cost onto the tourist.

In some cases you can pay a toll by credit card, but be aware that if you pay in cash, your toll may be lower.

9. Line markings

Painted lines that appear on the roads in different countries have various meanings. For example, a broken white line in some countries may indicate two lanes of traffic flowing in the same direction; in other countries it could be used to divide traffic flowing in opposite directions.

Some countries don’t know what paint on asphalt even looks like. Absent any line markings, you may assume that a narrow road is a one-way road, when really it is a two-way road.

Fortunately, most countries have clear explanations of what their road markings mean (they are at least more straightforward than rules about parking, at least). Read up, and be sure to keep an eye out for dashed red lines (and crooked green ones too).

10. Roundabouts

Many people don’t like roundabouts, and they can be particularly perplexing abroad. In some countries, traffic already in a roundabout has the right of way; in others, a car entering the roundabout has it, while vehicles already in the roundabout must yield.

If that isn’t confusing enough, realize that many local drivers forget these rules altogether and take the right-of-way whenever they want it. Roundabouts in many countries are a chance for aggressive drivers to flex their muscle and push you right out of the circle. Know the local rules, hold your ground, and keep moving when you need to (just don’t get dizzy).

11. Roads from hell

Enough about driver hardships imposed by your fellow driver or crooked crops: this one’s about the path itself. In many countries, “roads” are made of gravel, sand(!), dirt, or rocky surfaces. Some are subject to landslides or mini-avalanches. Others are so winding that one distracted moment could send you slipping over a cliff. Many roads (even in Europe) have no shoulder, or the “shoulder” consists of a ditch. Some roads have been built dangerously so that visibility past a certain hill is difficult, if not impossible. Others are grossly uneven, too narrow, right in the path of the sunrise or sunset for what seems like hours per day, or are frequented by tractors, herds of wildlife, or thirteen-year-olds drag-racing in retrofitted lawn mowers (take my word for it).

In short, you should be aware of the quality of your road before you decide to drive and not fly. If you have one particular patch of bad road in the middle of your long-winded trip, there’s nothing to say you can’t check in your rental car at Point A, fly from Point A to Point B, and check out another rental car at Point B.

12. Reality

In many places, traffic laws are broken left and right. Some men (and women) the world over get their jollies and their power trips out of breaking speed limits, changing planes without signaling, passing on the wrong side of the road, running stop signs, running red lights, failing to yield, and even driving on the wrong side of the road (all while sober!). You, the cautious foreign driver, are following all the local driving laws to a T – and you may be at greater risk of an accident for doing so and not “going with the flow.”

To successfully drive in foreign cities and countries, you’ll need to combine your understanding of the rules with your observations of how people are actually driving. When you finally see a cop by the side of the road you’ll know how you’re supposed to drive –but in the meantime, you’re getting from Point A to Point B without getting the “saintlike driver” halo knocked off your head (and a broken neck to go along with it).

13. Tuk-tuks, rickshaws, motorcycles, and other vehicles on the road

In many places around the world people have a broader idea of what constitutes traffic than in the West. In developing countries, scooters, tuk-tuks, motorcycles, horse-drawn carts, and bicycles may comprise the majority of “vehicles.” Not only are these other drivers in a bigger hurry than you are, but they know the roads better and they probably hate you on sight because you’re well-off enough to be driving an actual car.

All these different “vehicles” operate differently and at varying speeds, and can make sudden moves that someone steering a car just can’t make. You can expect these drivers to cut into any leeway space as you’re turning or to merge into your lane after veering off the sidewalk (and if you visit Bangkok or Jakarta enough times, you might even see one drive OVER the hood of your car). Try to stay patient, keep your sense of humor, and turn up your air conditioning – and oh, remember that you WILL eventually get where you need to go.