February 14, 2015 by Rita Anya Nara

Touring without Stress: How to Leave Your Anxiety in the Baggage Compartment

Joining a Sea of Strangers on the Streets of a Foreign City: A Practical Approach

There are dozens of books you can read on understanding the social norms and etiquette of a particular country you will visit. The amount of information can be overwhelming, and attempts to capture a culture can lead you to believe that millions of people behave similarly in all cultural and social interactions. In reality, etiquette is more rooted in local ways of life, with differences across provinces, rural areas, counties, and even city neighborhoods. Think about how you would answer an American culture question from a Dutchman taking a road trip from Harlem, New York to a small fishing town in Maryland, to New Orleans, and then back to New York City – this time to Manhattan. Would you know where to start?

One of the goals of social norms is to establish standard behavior so that people know what to expect of each other, and can stop thinking so much about basic interactions. While many cultures encourage freedom of expression, many have tolerance “blind spots” and hypocrisies that may have originated in conflicts between religious, social, and political beliefs. Not understanding or respecting social norms, no matter how exasperating they sometimes may be, can lead to feelings of isolation, frustration, dejection, and significant stress. Remember, your goal is to feel comfortable as quickly as possible in a place you’ve never been, so you can get your mind off “code of conduct” stress and enjoy your trip.

First arrival. Sources of anxiety when arriving to the streets of a foreign city or town may include:

Not knowing what is appropriate street behavior (voice level, pointing, stopping to make a phone call, etc.);
Not wanting to offend people (e.g., violating taboos);
Smaller than normal personal space;
Level of formality expected or demanded; and
Fear of confrontation if making a mistake or upsetting someone.

A negative experience can amplify embarrassment into shame, with anger, distrust, and loss of confidence along for the ride. Fortunately, negative experiences and encounters can be mitigated by a few key approaches. These are:

Observation;
Self-awareness; and
Assimilation according to your own comfort level.

We’ll go over each of these below.

Observation. Sit at a plaza café or a small park, alone or with your travel partner, and just watch people go by for an hour or so. Notice things such as:

What are people doing that you find unusual or unnatural?
What are they not doing on the streets that you’re used to seeing? This could include activities such as adjusting one’s clothes or hair, blowing one’s nose, or snacking at a pedestrian stoplight
How do other people react to someone who engages in generally anti-social behavior (such as letting a door slam in a stranger’s face, or corralling a taxi that someone else has hailed?)

Self-awareness. Realize that you have two different street behaviors: one when you’re at home, in your accustomed environment, and one as a tourist or outsider. At home you’re used to being part of the scene around you; as a tourist, you’re usually preoccupied with the scene, and stand apart from it. You may walk more slowly, stare, stop suddenly, and meander or change direction. You may be more polite and more patient than normal, and you may be louder or quieter than normal. Your “tourist” behavior may or may not be more suited to the mannerisms of those around you. Ask yourself:

How many of your unassuming street behaviors are going to draw unwelcome attention?
How good are you at controlling your first impulses and responses?
How much will this matter in your particular environment?

Comfortable assimilation. Trying to blend in too much with the locals may take a lot of the enjoyment out of your travel. Hurrying, looking down instead of around, and constantly restraining your interest and curiosity aren’t anyone’s idea of a nice tour. Identify which two or three of your habits are the most disruptive or displeasing, and make a regular effort to tone them down. Remember, the goal is to spare yourself embarrassment and anxiety – not make yourself uncomfortable.

This scene doesn’t have to be intimidating.

October 16, 2013 by Rita Anya Nara

Special Photo Essay: How Stress Affects the Way We See Places

It’s no secret that stress and anxiety affect how you perceive your environment — particularly when you’re somewhere unfamiliar. Your surroundings can look blurry, distorted, dull, glassy, and just plain intimidating when you’re nervous and overwhelmed. The question is, just how different do things look when you’re under stress?

While in Istanbul a couple weeks ago, I stayed down the hall from a woman who didn’t leave her hotel room for two days because her journey was “just too much” and “not what she was expecting.” She looked like she wanted to fall asleep in her bathtub with a good book and a glass of wine, and forget all the “adventures” just outside her door. What did she — and other nervous travelers out there — see that others didn’t? Here’s an exploration — and a reminder that our mind creates our own reality.

1. People with a fear of flying can feel lightheaded and suffer blackouts, particularly during landing and take-off. The world below can look dark and out of focus. The reality? Your plane window isn’t that dirty — and although it’s a lot to take in, that wonderful first view will be one of your longest-lasting memories.

2. Surrounded by strangers and unfamiliar skylines, we may not get the full detail in front of us even if our vision is 20/20. Why? Our minds tend to “blur things out” to protect us from sensory overload.

3. We tend to view people and our surroundings in more simplistic terms when we don’t understand the culture of the place we’re visiting. Even though we know it’s not accurate, we can see only the outlines and colors of the unfamiliar instead of “the full picture.”

4. Buildings we’ve never seen before can be intimidating and look distorted to us, while strangers may seem larger than life.

5. We can struggle to bring even the most relaxing scenes into focus, and see only a clutter of dark objects in our ship’s path.

6. We may be oblivious to detail even in less distracting environments — and may barely notice the sun shining down on us.

7. Exotic locales can have a two-dimensional, mottled quality to them, like something we saw in a book long ago — and not quite real in front of us.

8. We can revert to tunnel vision, especially when we see something that looks too precarious to be true.

9. When we’re a bit turned around getting back to the hotel, we can literally feel pushed back or pulled forward by our surroundings — and we don’t even notice our reliable landmark in the distance.

10. If just being at the airport stresses you out, you may see a tube of dread waiting out on the tarmac instead of the full picture.

11. Know you have a stunning view outside your window? Look too hard, and you’ll see yourself staring back; relax, and you’ll be floating above the clouds.

October 7, 2013 by Rita Anya Nara

How Your Vacation Can Change Your Beliefs and Attitudes in Unexpected (and Sometimes Stressful) Ways

What’s that rumbling sound you hear when you’re sitting on the tarmac of an airport thousands of miles from home as your trip draws to a close? Sometimes it’s not just the plane engines firing up. It’s your thoughts swirling, and perhaps even grinding, grating, and crashing right into beliefs you’ve had for years as you have a chance to put into perspective everything you saw and did on your trip — and what you discovered about how others live in another culture. It may be hard to comprehend, but for something that lasted only about two or three weeks, a vacation can have a tremendous influence on some of your most long-standing and innate beliefs.

These are not necessarily things we feel comfortable thinking about, or discussing with others — which makes them all the more important since they can cause you stress if you ignore them. Here are some deeper issues many travelers struggle with at the end of (and well after) their trip that can have a significant impact on their psyche. Chances are you may grapple with some of the same thoughts.

About religion. Every year thousands of people convert to a different religion — from Islam to Christianity, from Christianity to Islam, from Christianity or Islam to Buddhism, from any of the above to atheism or agnosticism, etc. Many people make this conversion after visiting a country whose religious following is different from their own. Does that mean you will? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean you won’t experience a change in your thoughts about the afterlife after visiting a place like The Vatican, Tehran, Jerusalem, and any other number of places.

Having these feelings can cause you anxiety depending on your religious upbringing and the attitudes of your family members (and even your friends). Acknowledging that you could have some significant doubts, inspirations, or personal questions after your trip can make it easier for you to address them in the coming weeks or months and move forward on your personal and spiritual journey.

About race. Want to hear a sad story? I had a friend who wasn’t racist until he started traveling. Going from country to country, he said, and having what he perceived to be negative experiences in developing countries, helped him see “the bell curve” and people “in their proper place”, i.e., how important it was that people had their own culture within their own borders. Is my friend still traveling? More than ever — and I hope I don’t run into him somewhere.

Most people become even more tolerant after they’ve been abroad and seen other branches of the human family; very few become prejudiced, or more prejudiced. The vast majority of us will spend some time thinking about how we’re all different, how and why there’s been so much racism in the past, and what the picture of racial harmony could like like in the future.

About the importance of money. Did you travel through impoverished villages on your trip, and have the time of your life exploring and meeting the residents? Alternatively, are you a middle-class traveler who lived like a king or queen for a couple weeks in a developing country, simply because you could afford it? Doing either can significantly change your perspective on what’s in your wallet, how much you think you need to lead a happy life, and what you do with your finances in the future.

About the future. Many people feel an overwhelming sense of hope and awe over the promise of the future after they’ve been abroad. In so many ways, humanity leaps forward every year in terms of quality of life, tolerance, development, progression, and pure inspiration and creativity.

Depending on their travel experiences, others can dwell on the more negative aspects of the human race — yes, how greedy and self-absorbed we are, how much environmental damage we’re causing, how a major world war could be coming within our lifetime, how likely there is to be a major epidemic, etc.

You shouldn’t be surprised if you experience all of the above thoughts, hopes, and fears about the future on the same flight home. We’re all constantly dealing with the balance of good and bad, hope and pessimism, and of course, change. Travel is synonymous with change. How it changes you is up to you — just don’t let it cause you a lot of stress.